Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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