Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
