omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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