I hate all girls vehemently.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
