Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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