P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
