let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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