The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
