Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
