I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
