the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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