The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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