Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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