I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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