my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
