I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
