if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
