Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
