after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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