so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
