he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
