I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
