It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's great music for shaving your balls
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
