The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
