Tell her she can't have a vagina
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
