Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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