I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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