First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
