he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize