sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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