Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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