Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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