Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need moral support for this bender
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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