Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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