You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
