and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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