Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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