Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize