the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
