Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
