I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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