I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize