she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There are leaves in my underwear?
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