dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
