Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize