he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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