i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
God, I missed his penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
