you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The power of my boobs compel you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
