I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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