You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
