fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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