Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
