i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
