The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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