I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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