Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
