I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
