You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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