There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
