So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
